I founded my secret place so I could share, unfettered. Yet, I hesitate, still. Why? I’m not really sure. I’ve got some great stories, just itching to be shared, and yet- I haven’t. I think for women with a conscience too big, too sensitive- it’s a bit hard to step out and tell the tales you’ve been conditioned all your life to not speak of. Sure, step-mom was mean as hell and mom is soused much of the time these days…but we never say it out loud to anyone.
I ran across this story the other day,
I bad mouthed my Mother-in-Law on a blog-then she found out By Catherine Connors on Lemondrop.com
And, yowsa! -something resonated there! Mostly, I was glad it wasn’t me…
I would like to put it on record that the Captain’s family is pretty great. His mom is a great Mother-in-Law, she has always managed to be warm without butting into our lives. She never has a negative word. I love her. My only complaint would be that she is so busy we hardly see her.
Catherine Connors wrote a vent about a family member, she tried to hide it a bit by not putting it on her own blog, but she did sign her name to it..mistake in hindsight. When it was found, a few years later, she had to do some serious apologizing. Still, she also had this to say:
“But I also said this: that I wasn’t sorry that I had written it in the first place. I wasn’t sorry, I said, because I believed — and still do — very firmly in the importance of women sharing these kinds of stories, these difficult stories that we are so often told not to tell, not to share. How would I, a new mom struggling with depression, fighting through that depression to find her place in her expanding family, know that I was not alone in that experience if other women were not telling those stories?…. How would I know that it is not just me, if we never told these stories, if we kept them hidden behind the heavy curtain of familial privacy, inside the quiet domain of the private sphere?”
“… my obligations to my family do not extend to fully silencing myself, I don’t think. Because if we accept this as one of our duties, as women, to family — to keep quiet, to be silent on all matters concerning family — then we condemn ourselves to remaining behind the veil, our voices unheard, our stories untold, our world — or that portion of our world, large or small, that is the world of family — forever cut off from the public sphere. And that hurts us, I think.”
I agree with her words, at least as far as doing this sharing anonymously. Sharing/venting deeply personal things publicly, with our names attached and our husbands & children brought into it?..No, I’m not comfortable with that. Hence, my secret blog. Yet, I still feel a little guilty, a little traitorous.
How do you feel about transparency vs. privacy in blogging? Do you let it all hang out or are there some topics off-limits? Do you use your kids’ names on your blog? Do you enjoy more the blogs that spill it all out and shock a little? Or do you avoid those?
nosy me wants to know…
Genevieve, homeschool mom who has found her secret place. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul. That, or just entertaining. Grab a drink, and I'll spill.
I see you stopped by my blog…probably because I left a comment on this subject elsewhere. I guess for me…with all my grey hair of experience, I never want to dishonor my parents, my children, my husband or my mother-in-law. I have some earth shaking stories on both sides of the family, but through time God has healed them and restored. If I had publicly announced them then I am sure the healing would never have come.
I guess I try to stick to the word that it should be edifying! If showing my own faults will encourage and edify then I will go for it…to expose someone else’s fault or sin…well I would question that…I look to scripture on when Noah was drunk, the sons that turned their back and covered his sin were blessed…the one who exposed his sin wasn’t.
I also don’t want my name and sin announced all over the web….how hurtful…so like the old saying, “Do to others what you would want them to do to you” is a good one to stick by
Bottom line…I want to be able to lay down at night with a good conscience…I am now at the age that sleep is more difficult anyway.
Thanks for letting me stop by and rambling my opinion. I will be going through your blog…from one home school mom to another!
I agree with you on this one.. I am not comfortable with all the dirty laundry hanging out to dry. I respect the choices others make to do so but I’m not comfortable with myself. At least, not yet! Happy Follow Friday! Following you!
Eliz
Janette,
thank you for leaving such a well-thought out comment, I can see your Christ like-ness shining through. I agree that that “do onto others…” is wise to live by, as is also “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. I do aim to stick with that at my main family blog.
thank you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate your thoughts.
ElizOF,
agreed! I am wondering though, do these precepts change if you are totally anonymous?
thoughts?
thanks for the comment, I am enjoying this discussion.
Hi there! I’m here from SITS as you commented just above me today — and, boy, am I glad. First, per your comment on SITS, I do think you provide your opinion in this piece. And I think it’s great and leads to further discussion that you ask your readers for theirs. I actually wrote a post several months ago about the things my readers will NEVER see on my blog. You can read it here: http://www.grandmasbriefs.com/home/2010/2/9/5-things-ill-never-write-about.html
There are so many bloggers that go too far, that share too much, that hurt too many others. I won’t be one of them. Although after today’s lesson, I realize I *do* need to be a little more opinionated on my site; I tend to just share personal introspection, not so much personal opinion.
I love your site and will be back!
This is such a great post! I completely agree with the opinion that we should share our stories and not silence ourselves. The great thing about the blogosphere is that we can connect with each other through the stories we share. When I first started blogging I was quick to share it with family members and link it to my facebook profile so friends & family could read it. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t done that. There are some stories I would like to share but fear that I’ll offend a friend or family member. It’s a fine line, that’s for sure.
I agree with you. There are somethings I don’t feel comfortable sharing on my blog. I will not disrespect other members of my family. I understand the point she made about not staying silent to connect with other people dealing with similar issues but… these wonderful people I “meet” through my blog are NOT related to me. 20 years from now they may only be a memory but I’ll still have my family. They and their feelings must come first. This was a great post! I’m so glad you wrote it!
I came from 31DBBB!
Great post! (here from #31DBBB)
Personally, I keep my blog and personal life almost 100% separate, especially after one particular incident where I slipped and broke my own rule of no dirty laundry!
A few years ago on a personal blog that no longer exists, I wrote a scathing post documenting my anger towards in law and the multiple reasons behind the growing dislike I was feeling towards this person. Though I didn’t name names, it would be obvious to anybody in my family who I was talking about if they were to read it.
So I’m checking my stats one day, and lo and behold, there’s a hit from an IP that belongs to another in-law’s employer (not a big company). The next hit within minutes after that was from the town that the in law I wrote of lives in. For days, I held my breath to see if anybody would try to say anything to me. I prepared my argument and readied myself for demands to delete the post.
But nobody said anything about it. at. all.
Was it a coincidence? I think not. There were some … weird silent moments there for a while.
I did end up deleting the post, and after that vowed to maybe NOT air my dirty laundry anymore. I also have another “what not to post” tidbit, but that’s a story for another day (or for a post on my blog, lol).
Hi there….new follower from the Friday Blog Hops. Great post you have here. I will reply in greater detail when I get more of a chance to really think up an answer.
Anyway, hoping you’ll drop by for a visit when you get a moment. I love new followers and friends.
Thanks
Marie
The Things We Find Inside
Lisa,
thank you for stopping by! And, thank you for the great feedback, very helpful! I will be by your place to check out your post!
Patrice,
Agreed, the web is a place where everyone can tell their story! I really enjoy connecting with other bloggers that I would probably never have met in real life, if not for blogging.
yes, I told family members about my other blog, and then felt constrained sometimes on what I could write about. That is why I started this one…I agree, it can be a fine line.
thank you for your comment.
I hold back on my blog. I don’t write about my Father-in-law and his Parkinsons and the struggles it’s caused us because my brother in law knows about my blog and he might see it and he’s really not too nice to me and my husband sometimes. I get really frustrated somehow and WISH I could vent and get the support I know I’d find online, but I just can’t do it. My family knows about my blog, so I don’t really write about them in any way except positively for the most part. Sometimes I wish I blogged anonymously, but I didn’t, and for the most part it’s enough.
Well, since my blog isn’t anonymous, I keep it “vent-free.” Sometimes I wish I had the freedom to vent, but then again, it keeps me from saying something that I’d regret. Also,(for me) venting gives the illusion of resolving the issue…when it’s clearly not dealt with! As for funny, embarrassing situations though- those have free reign on my blog. ;OD
Just stopping by from Hip Homeschool Hop! It is so easy to vent on your blog and I have done it. I never mention someone’s name and I only do it when it is a relationship that has already deteriorated. Yet, I am sure not to say anything to make it any worse. But I like to keep my blog real and problems arise, people get annoyed…I like to show that on occasion too.
I LOVE this!! My experience is much of the same and I do not apologize for what I write however I have learned that I must live by the same rules in the blogoshphere as I live in reality….NEVER say anything about anyone that you would not say in front of their face
With that said, through my joyous journey of life =0), I have been able to find the silver lining in every dark cloud therefore I don’t write about my dark cloud with out the silver lining 
In being I have yet to write about certain things and there are a few critics that don’t know about my blog….YET =0). (I am still praying about that)
However whether you are in the comfort of your secret place or the comfort of your “real” blog, sing sister because there is some one out there that needs to hear your voice!!